Life after college
It’s been a while since the last time I posted something here. It’s been really busy. And chaotic. And overwhelming. I regret not being able to write about my wonderful experiences during my first work. I was a Science Research Analyst/Research Assistant in UPLB. I got the job weeks after graduation in 2013. I met some really awesome people in the office which I now consider as friends. Nearing the end of my contract in 2014, I decided to enroll in Graduate School. At first I thought about taking Masters in Environmental Science. But I changed my mind and stuck with Economics.
I crawled my way out of my first year in Grad School. Man! That was hard! I went berserk. Frantic almost everyday. I remember being tired. I remember trying to sleep only to be awakened by all my worries. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was losing control. I could not manage the stress I felt.
But I went through the process and survived.
Then came the comprehensive exams. About this time last year, I was busy reading a year worth of lessons. I pushed myself hard because I did not want to put all my efforts to waste. I did not want to fail. I did not come this far only to fail in the compre exams, I told myself.
I went on and survived.
Now it’s 2016. I am just a few steps away from graduating with an MS Economics degree. The only thing standing my way is my thesis manuscript. I have everything I need, the data, the software to use for me to run tests on the data: it’s all on me now. I have the resources. All that is left to do is work on it.
It’s been really hard. Especially because I have full-time work from 8 in the morning towards 5 in the afternoon. I come home from work, rest my eyes and mind for a while, sometimes succumb a little to recreational activities (for introverts) such as watching TV and scrolling through Facebook, help my mom and brother in doing some house chores, eat dinner, maybe wash dishes, and power nap.
Then, I scrape all the energy I have left to work on my thesis. I know it demands more time and mental energy than what I am giving it for now – and that thought is discomforting for me – but juggling among work, study, and play has its own benefits. So far, I am starting to develop self composure amidst all the tasks I have to finish. I believe there is merit in keeping one’s head together when all it wants is to explode.
It’s been really hard. Especially because I am not sure if my study is heading towards the “right” direction – you know, the direction towards my MS degree. I am not too adept in STATA and econometrics. Not to mention I have not mastered the underlying economic theory that encompasses my study. Organizing the data I need is also taking time. Apparently, I have setbacks in all aspects of my thesis. Yet I cannot push myself too hard, pull out an all-nighter every night, because I have to wake up and perform effectively at work. So I have to sleep at decent hours. But with all the madness, I hardly reach REM. So I end up getting low-quality sleep. I get to thrive the next day, thanks to coffee.
There is so much left to do. I don’t even know how I am supposed to finish everything by November, for my thesis defense. But I have to try. Because there is nothing worse than giving up without giving your all. I am not going down without a fight. Not after everything. At least that is one thing I am sure of.